That’s really all I got. This counts as posting. This is my neurodivergent truth record.

I have thought “I really should go post something, it’s been a reaaaaalllyyy long time and I’m thinking about it now so I should do it!” …..and that thought started a month ago – probably hit my brain around 5 or 6 times now. Hrm….also around the time I was able to start my medication again…totally not related….shhh I know it is.

What’s different about today? Well I’m now successfully avoiding doing the dishes….

I’m done now. If my brain cooperates, I’ll be back again soon…and with a little luck it will still be 2023.

April. The last time I managed to sit down and even think about this site.

The truth of the matter is I suck at consistency. Trying to keep up with damn near anything all while keeping the people in my life happy is not something I excel at.

So if there were ever something shouting “here’s why you don’t succeed,” this would be it. But at the same time, I’m leaving it as it is. I’m not going to make up an excuse and be like “life got so busy and I had so many great opportunities that I just couldn’t pass up, blah, blah, blah.” Because that wouldn’t be true.

I mean, life did get busy, but there were no amazing opportunities, just people wanting my time and abilities for free.

I know a lot of it is my fault, I’m bad at drawing boundaries and sticking to them. I want people to like me and value me, and unfortunately those around me don’t do that unless I’m doing things for them.

Usually it throws me into a pretty epic depressive episode when I realize that they don’t actually care and I’m just letting myself get used. I do a lot of favors, and then when I need help, I turn to where a group of people should be standing, but instead there’s no one.

This isn’t anything revolutionary, I’m sure it happens to everyone. But knowing that it’s common doesn’t make it feel any better, ya know?

But I’m here, and I’m trying. I have 1.5 projects left to do for people and then I’m done (I know I shouldn’t, but I made commitments and I’m going to honor those even if it literally gains me nothing but more headaches).

I’m no longer taking unsolicited work. I will not be doing unpaid things for people that are not charities that I choose to participate in. I will no longer be putting my time and effort into projects I have no interest in, or worse, actively dislike. I’m worth more than that.

plan: “I’m taking the day off! I’m going to do no work; just relax and enjoy my time.”

reality: “oh, I forgot I had to thing!” “how do I relax?” “Do I even like things?!?!”

So, the Executive decided to take a vacation. He was out of contact for 3 weeks and 3 days. Today he wandered back in, threw me the keys and said “start ‘er up!” Like, I’m doing my best, but I’m so not built for this job….I’m not an Executive, I’m just a me.

So, this is where we’re at…I have one finished post and have a few others started. I have yet to change the theme or the colors…and, we are just not going to, a) worry about that, or b) talk about that right now.

Well….it’s now 5pm (I started this around 9am)….I have yet to finish this thought, but I have printed out next months calendar, made Rice Krispie treats, played Beat Saber, did the dishes, am in the process of creating a cookie recipe because Walmart is disappointing and can’t keep them in stock, successfully remembered to eat lunch, …

Ok…so, it’s 2:30pm the next day…I finished that recipe and made the cookies…they were….technically cookies…

The moral of the story is that this is an official record of the behavior of the Executive and the problems he causes.

For now, I’m going to go make the calendar for this month and hope it makes it to the fridge tonight.

There is a small man that lives in my head. At some point, unbeknownst to me, he was elected and accepted the position of Executive. The only thing is, the background check must have been skipped because this dude lied about his qualifications .

This guy is supposed to be in charge, managing the place, but he just sits at his desk with his feet kicked up while below him…..the building is on fire. People are running. People are screaming. There are lights. There are sirens. The news is on the lawn. Meanwhile, Mr. Executive is looking up, trying to figure out why it’s raining inside….

So, all in all, I work in very inefficient, if not downright dangerous conditions.

I’m always the one trying to hold it together while the Executive is doing who knows what and these are the creative chronicles of that chaos.

*in progress*

Now, I know I’m supposed to be working on finishing existing projects, but………yeah, no….

Now, this project has nothing to do with bears, and is related to cinnamon only in name…..but, well, my sister listened to “The Cinnamon Bear” radio play entirely too much…..so now if I hear the word “cinnamon” my head goes ahead and adds “bear” for me!

Anyway…..so the actual project is the Cinnamon Roll Pullover Sweater by Olivia Kent with Lion brand jean yarn in “top stitch.”

02/23/22 yarn ordered

02/24/22 pattern purchased

03/07/22 yarn delayed due to weather, hopefully it will come tomorrow

04/01/22 the yarn made it eventually. It did not come that tomorrow; it came like 8 more tomorrows later.

I started….I restarted…..then I started all over again….and thennnnnnn 1 more time for spirit! Eventually I found the gauge and I’m around 30 rows in. I don’t have a whole lot to say about it yet, I’m frustrated, but that’s on me and my ability to count, not the pattern itself.

I think I’ll be able to put more time towards it this week. So more updates will come, soonish.

02/27/22

So, first things first, Animal Crossing is amazing. I’ve been wanting to make something involving it for a while, but could never decide on what. Recently I got the chance to make a felt embroidery/appliqué stocking and I was like “bam! I need to make Animal Crossing felt friends!”

So naturally I start researching how to make pattern pieces and trace/cut the felt pieces out accurately. Come to the conclusion that I need freezer paper, an iron, and an iron safe surface.

02/28/22 – the current situation: chaos

Now, I could go to Walmart and buy a $10 dollar iron and a $6 ironing board (I have the freezer paper)…..but, when consulted the Executive had problems with this plan. Objections listed included examples such as… “but they’re cheap and will break and I’ll have to spend more money anyway,” “

03/07/22 update time!

So, either that day or a couple days after (my brain doesn’t do time), one of my friends asked me what I knew about Cricut because they were looking to get one….Well it just so happens I know a bunch! “Oh by the way, I have a Silhouette Cameo 3 I’ll sell you!”

The moral of the story is I could have gone to Walmart and spent $16 (plus tax), but instead last night I ordered the rotary blade for the Cameo 4 off Amazon…..I’ll be getting the machine itself soon.

This could be slightly impulsive…..but not completely impulsive. I’ve been having more and more problems cutting things by hand (thanks hands), and well this does that for me, yay……I know, it’s thin reasoning, but let’s just agree to go with it, ok?

I have so many supplies…..like so…sooooo many.

You know the story….the internet shows you something cool and you’re like “I want to make that!” (alternative option: “I don’t need to buy that, I can totally make it for less!”). 3 weeks later the supplies are sitting in a bag on the floor next to your computer desk where you are sitting and researching a different hobby/project to start.

Soon enough you have bins…totes…random bags and drawers full of stuff. It’s all good stuff, it all has (had, if we’re being honest here) a purpose.

For absolutely no good reason I have deemed these, “boxes of sin.” Like I literally just made it up and may completely forget about it later on. Either way, behold!

This my bin of thread and lightweight yarns that at one point were project supplies, but now they’re a storage kidnapper.

02/24/22 I pulled this out 2 days ago now. Today I managed to start going through it to figure out what’s getting kept, made, or donated.

02/27/22 the bin is still on the floor….

03/02/22 second up, size 20 crochet thread!

I say second, because I failed at taking pictures or talking about the first. It was that small purple and green ball on the left hand side of the full box photo. I settled on a simple kerchief pattern; made 2, got bored. And that is how it ended up in the “donate” pile.

Anyway, back to the matter at hand…I asked the Executive if we should keep the size 20 thread or not….they didn’t check their email for 24 hours; apparently they were busy watching YouTube videos and reruns of Ghost Hunters.

Eventually they got back to me and replied with, “Yes.” This did not help. While I had waited to receive that truly inspired response, I had time to think about it myself. I decided that I was no longer going to make the project they were purchased for (circular resin ornaments with crochet or tatted snowflakes embedded) and I couldn’t find anything that I wanted to make now, so they should go in the “donate” pile……

Then the Goblin showed up…they used to be a much larger problem than they are now….we will talk more about them at another time. All in all, I convince the Goblin that not all is lost and if we need it for something we will buy it again later on, and that’s ok. They still objected, so then a compromise to keep the balled one was made.

So now, the Goblin is happy, the Executive is clueless, and I have 3 less things to put away!

One hour later:

Box of sin #1: DEFEATED!

figured out the right combination of buttons to push in order to edit this post (which was a generic “welcome” post), so now at least it says something….I guess I could have just deleted it….but it’s more fun that day 2 shows up before day 1.

pay for website.

get frustrated trying to edit because entirely too tired and didn’t see the nice big button that says “write.”

go to bed.