April. The last time I managed to sit down and even think about this site.
The truth of the matter is I suck at consistency. Trying to keep up with damn near anything all while keeping the people in my life happy is not something I excel at.
So if there were ever something shouting “here’s why you don’t succeed,” this would be it. But at the same time, I’m leaving it as it is. I’m not going to make up an excuse and be like “life got so busy and I had so many great opportunities that I just couldn’t pass up, blah, blah, blah.” Because that wouldn’t be true.
I mean, life did get busy, but there were no amazing opportunities, just people wanting my time and abilities for free.
I know a lot of it is my fault, I’m bad at drawing boundaries and sticking to them. I want people to like me and value me, and unfortunately those around me don’t do that unless I’m doing things for them.
Usually it throws me into a pretty epic depressive episode when I realize that they don’t actually care and I’m just letting myself get used. I do a lot of favors, and then when I need help, I turn to where a group of people should be standing, but instead there’s no one.
This isn’t anything revolutionary, I’m sure it happens to everyone. But knowing that it’s common doesn’t make it feel any better, ya know?
But I’m here, and I’m trying. I have 1.5 projects left to do for people and then I’m done (I know I shouldn’t, but I made commitments and I’m going to honor those even if it literally gains me nothing but more headaches).
I’m no longer taking unsolicited work. I will not be doing unpaid things for people that are not charities that I choose to participate in. I will no longer be putting my time and effort into projects I have no interest in, or worse, actively dislike. I’m worth more than that.
The Executive of my Function 